The Eleventh Commandment
As dictated by the state... Thou shall not die.
love, liberty, and a side order of freedom fries
Are you ready for some foot... congressional hearings? Not content to subsidizing the schools playing in the games, legislating what the players can take to improve their performance, regulating the broadcasts of such games, etc., it seems the state is looking to expand their influence over the college football world. As laughable as the steroid hearings held earlier this year, taxpayer money is now going to be used to figure out how a deeply flawed system has resulted in the top two teams in the country playing for the national championship. While they're at it, why don't it look into the selection process behind choosing the Rose Queen?
You would think that government would have better things to do than hassle old ladies, but hey, the law is the law, right? Well, this should teach them. Remember kids, gambling is only acceptable when the state runs the casino.
The Socialist Commonwealth of New Jersey (maybe it's a Worker's Republic?) has filed lawsuits against three oil companies and several gas companies for price gouging. Never fear comrades, even if the lawsuits fail, the state will have had the desired effect of scaring companies away from raising prices during the next shortage. Prices will remain low, and the shortage will be worse that it otherwise would be, but hey, you might be one of the few lucky ones to get gas the next time.
Well, I should have known this was inevitable. Government evacuation plans are now going to have to include getting pets out of harm's way! That's right, the state is going to confiscate taxpayer money to make sure poor Fifi doesn't drown in the class 4 hurricane bearing down on its smelly behind. Isn't this a wonderful quote from the Humane Society: "We cannot rely on individual acts of compassion." No, of course not, better call in the National Guard instead.